Those of you who know me, know that my life is–for lack of a better word–totally nuts.
There are days, like today, when I promise you the only thing I can think of is the tempting idea of going back to bed, pulling the covers over my head, and not coming out until I feel like it. Which would be a very, very long time.
I am a single mom raising three children under age 5. I don’t have a house cleaner. I’m the cook around here, too. I do the grocery shopping, and the laundry. Dishes pile up, too, if I don’t wash them. Kids need baths and have to have clothes to go out of the house. Socks get lost constantly and shoes always seem to be getting a bit too snug.
I care deeply about my true friends, many of whom I consider my adopted family abroad, and cultivating my relationships with them is very important to me. Email is also my life line to so many of my soulmates in this world.
I work a full-time job, and I’m so hard on myself that I never think I’m doing anything well enough. Days like today, I feel like I’m not going anywhere, and even if I got somewhere, I feel like I wouldn’t know it if it hit me over the head.
I’m trying to recover from my broken heart, shards of which are still scattered all about, like those annoying little invisible pieces that stay on the kitchen floor after a wine glass breaks and for which your mom always said, “Don’t come in here without shoes on!”
I walk around my house and my life without shoes all the time, and yet I’m still afraid of getting cut. I’ve dipped my toe in the dating pool to see how the water felt, and it burned. I imagine myself diving in head first, and letting the water flow all around me without a care in the world, and then I look around at the toy soldiers lined up on the floor and the Cheerio crumbs all over the table, and piles of clean clothes folded but never making it to the closet to be put away, and I think: good God, who would willingly choose to hold my hand through this chaos, through this mess?
And, I am trying to do this fitness journey alongside everything else. Weight lifting came to me like a life preserver in the storm, but that too takes time, dedication, patience, commitment, vision, and concentration: all of which I feel are sorely lacking after everything else above. I enjoy teaching my boot camp class for Coach G Fitness and I dearly care for my coach Gerard, and hope to see his company grow and flourish here in Rome, where I believe there is a real market for his holistic approach to fitness and well-being. I really believe in his mission and his goals and I am proud to be a part of his team here in Rome. But even the things I care about so profoundly take pieces of me that on some days, I feel I barely have left to give.
When I read over what I’ve just wrote, it’s no wonder that I have days like this where I feel almost desperate for someone, anyone, to throw me a rope. Just light the emergency flare, the smoke signal, that tells everyone I’m treading water and to send in the reserves.
In life, I think it’s human nature for us to want help when we feel overwhelmed, lost, sad, confused, lonely. I feel all of those things. I also feel joy, gratitude, peace, lightheartedness, and blessings. But sometimes the negative feelings take hold and overpower, and those are the times when I keep thinking: “Can’t someone just do this for me?” I mean, maybe I don’t literally think that consciously, but I definitely feel it. There are often times when I want a day “off” of the job of my life.
How does this relate to fitness on a fit blog? Because, just like I’m starting to realize that in life, there are no perfect “saviors,” so it is in fitness as well.
If you’ve read some of my other posts, you know that I thought finding the perfect man would “save me.” Again not consciously, but somewhere in my heart, I thought that would be the missing piece to the puzzle. Then I found out, nope, not by a long shot!
For you, maybe that perfect puzzle piece was going to be comfort from food, or living vicariously through your children’s accomplishments, or once you made “X” amount of money, or who knows what.
Point being: when you’re faced with those icky and uncomfortable feelings, and really tough life situations, you can try to make those feelings go away by projecting happiness onto some external factor, and you can always get some outside help, but in the end, the only one who can really pull you through 100% is your own self. Your own will, your own unique determination, your own inner strength, and your own hard-earned confidence.
My coach always tells me “fake it ’til you make it.” It’s good advice. You have to be convinced mentally that something is true, even before it’s true in the physical world.
So, with your fitness goals, as in life in general, don’t give in or give up just because you have those thoughts of wanting to crawl back into bed and pull up the covers. No one can do the fitness and well-being job but you. No one is going to lift those weights for you, no one is going to run that last kilometer for you, and no one but you can get in there, in the ring, on the spot, and show yourself and the world what you’re capable of.
In the end, you have to find it in yourself to be your own best coach, your own best motivator. Reading, and listening, and watching, are all good. But sooner or later, you have to just dive in and take the plunge.
Then, enjoy the results. Be proud of what you’ve done for yourself. Now you have it to give to others. You’re not alone in this game! Get out there and make it happen.